I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When are your genitals available?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
