with your own penis?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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