It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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