spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
