Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
