I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
