Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
