I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
