This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There r osticjed everywhere
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
