And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
