I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
