The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
