There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
