apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
