What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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