You just made me feel so damn special
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
