Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this just has baby written all over it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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