she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
