(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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