You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i love accidental penises.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
