Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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