OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
