we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
