i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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