you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
