hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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