Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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