Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
