The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
