So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
