I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
