I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Two words: nipple clamps
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