he wants to bone in the snuggie
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
