you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
