You're so nebulous sometimes
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
