Nicole vs. Life
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
