You can't motorboat a personality
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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