Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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