so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ugly people sure do ruin things
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
