insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
