Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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