i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He did a backflip because drugs
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
