If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
