i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
