Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
