you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
