Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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