In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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