Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
