Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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