Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just google imaged poop.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
