It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
