they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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