I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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