She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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