I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
