I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
