It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
