I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
