Christians are straight up FREAKS
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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