the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
